It’s hard to imagine 2020 could get any scarier than it already is.
But the never-ending pandemic will not deter us from our annual Halloween tradition of imagining a Hinsdale that is significantly more frightening than the one we know and love.
So, with Oct. 31 just two days away, we share our visions of events we would be scared to see in town.
• the U.S. Department of Education discontinues the National Blue Ribbon School program before all nine schools in Community Consolidated District 181 are able to earn the honor (there are only two left!).
• board members in Hinsdale High School District 86 ignore advice they received during a First Amendment presentation this week. Instead of moving public comment back the top of the agenda, they leave it at the end and put executive session right before it, forcing citizens who wish to address the board to wait (who knows how long?) until members return from closed session.
• Illinois voters approve the tax amendment Nov. 3 and all homes in Hinsdale worth $5 million or more are left vacant when their owners relocate to a state where they will pay less than 8 percent in income tax.
• a classic red and white 1958 Plymouth Fury is seen on surveillance cameras circling the parking deck late Halloween night. The morning of Nov. 1, police discover the body of one unlucky driver who violated the ban on overnight parking — and a license plate with the number CQB241.
• the pandemic cripples Italy, bringing its fashion industry to a halt. Rino Burdi is forced to carry the same lines of clothing as Kohl’s.
• every single resident posts the “STOP! This home is NOT participating in trick-or-treating” sign in their front window. Panicked and sugar-deprived, mobs of children storm the Hinsdale News Agency, emptying its shelves of an extensive supply of sweets.
• removal of the Salt Creek dam near Graue Mill does improve the fish population — well beyond what advocates had envisioned. The DuPage County Forest Preserve District subsequently relaxes its “catch and release” regulations, leading immigration activists to champion a ‘Le-gill’ Path to Freedom. (Pretty scary pun, huh?)
• as COVID cases continue to increase, school officials scheme to convince more students to sign up for remote learning. In the name of offering “more individualized instruction” in a modified hybrid schedule, D181 forces students to take only one class — their least favorite — for a half day every day. Those in D86 must take their least favorite class for a full week each month.
• Village President Tom Cauley’s fears prove true as the 32.5 acres at Ogden Avenue and Adams Street owned by IBLP is sold and becomes home to a massive, four-story school for 5G technicians.
• the Hinsdale Plan Commission is forced to hold another public hearing via Zoom.
• farmers discover an outbreak of COVID-19 in turkeys, forcing Kramer Foods to notify all who have ordered a HoKa bird for Thanksgiving dinner that they will receive a tofu turkey instead.
