First, in this age of full disclosure, I disclose that I am ... you guessed it ... a dad.
But my preference for Dad's Day over Mom's Day goes well beyond self-aggrandizement. Dad's Day is just more fun. Let's take a closer look.
On Mom's Day, the whole family has to get up really, really early, get dressed in really, really uncomfortable clothes, and then rush off to be robbed. This robbery is commonly referred to as Mother's Day brunch. It's perpetuated by legions of hotels, restaurants and banquet halls that know a big payday when they see one.
Now, let's compare that with Dad's Day.
Everyone sleeps really, really late. Even dad. When everyone does get up, they throw on some crummy old clothes and rush off to shop for meat, meat and more meat. This is called The Dad's Day Barbecue.
On Mom's Day, everyone has to shower mom with perfectly wrapped gifts, sentimental greeting cards and lots of hugs and kisses.
On Dad's Day, the kids forget they have to give dad gifts and mom chases them around the house searching for anything usable. What she finds are long-lost ties, school drawings, school ceramic projects, school poems and a Dad's Day card from five years ago. Instead of hugs and kisses for dad, there are high-fives all around while everyone is still texting on their smartphones.
On Mom's Day, brunch and gifts are over at noon. (Talk about being dressed up and nowhere to go!) We all look at each other and wonder, "What was that all about?" Everyone gets out of their really, really uncomfortable clothes and throws on really, really comfortable clothes. And then we all look around again and wonder, "What was that all about?"
On Dad's Day, well, noon is when the Dad's Day party is just getting started! Having bought all that meat, dad is exhausted and takes a nap. When he wakes, he scrapes the barbecue grate (kind of) and throws on the meat. And more meat. Then the eating starts and when it's over dad needs another nap. That's the kids' cue to escape and head out with their friends for some real fun.
So there it is. A thoroughly objective side-by-side comparison that proves Dad's Day is truly the superior holiday. Votes counted. Case closed.
Oh. But wait a minute. There's one vote that hasn't been counted. Oh, you know whose vote I mean? Yep. Her vote.
And that's why Mom's Day will never - ever - be like Dad's Day.
- Bill Barre of Hinsdale is a contributing columnist. Readers can email him at [email protected].
