They say you should never meet your heroes, but what if you meet someone who you don't know is your hero?
That was the case with Byron (fake name). I met Byron some 12 years ago at a place where I knew no one. I was trying to learn how to shoot skeet, having never really shot guns.
The people who shot together when I started were all men, all knew each other and no one was concerned about getting to know the new guy. Over time, I started to meet people, but I felt like an outsider.
I don't recall Byron being there when I first started shooting. He was out of town quite a bit. When he did show up, you'd have thought he was the mayor. He was funny, engaging, outgoing, and personable. Though he was several years older than me, he made me feel like a peer.
As time went on, Byron and I talked more, I observed him more and I listened to him speaking to others more. Above everything, Byron was a husband and a father. He spoke of his wife and children regularly - not in a bragging way, but more in a positive, matter-of-fact, way. I learned that he and his wife adopted all five of their kids.
He listened to his friends when they were going through difficult things. In a room full of guys, he wasn't ashamed or afraid to be genuine and sensitive, to be empathetic and vulnerable.
He was very funny and would tell jokes (often reciting them incorrectly, which was half of what made them funny). His humor was rarely directed at anyone, but there were times I cried from laughing so hard when listening to him.
More than anything, he spoke to me - directly. He said I was a good person, but I put myself down too much, and he didn't like that. Though people had said this to me in the past, he said it in such a way that made me see myself as a different person - a better person - than I usually saw myself.
It occurred to me that's how Byron made most everyone feel. Not because he was a sycophant or a salesman. Byron was very successful, and didn't need anything from anyone. He was just being himself, and that person was the hero type.
Admittedly, Byron is not perfect. If I were to try to find flaws, I'm sure I could, as I could with anyone. But who Byron is, and who he's been to me, shows me the power someone has when they're genuine, when they meet people where they are and when they're willing to share their own positive reflections.
So, maybe never meeting your heroes is still a good advice. Maybe you should thank those heroes you have in your life instead and consider being one yourself.
Thank you for being you, Byron. I am a different, better, person because of knowing you.
- Bill Lewis is a former
contributing columnist.
Readers can email him at
