Today's kids rarely get a chance for downtime. Parents feel immense pressure to sign their children up for every activity, but what if they resist that urge?
Youth sports rake in nearly $40 billion annually. This isn't just a booming industry - it's a business. Signing your child up for every league won't guarantee a professional career, but it might rob them of becoming a well-rounded person. When every minute of a kid's day is packed with activities, it's not just their weekends that get swallowed up - it's their ability to experience and learn from unstructured time.
Over-scheduling doesn't just lead to burnout for kids, but for families, too. Parents often scramble to manage drop-offs, pickups and overlapping schedules, leaving little room for quality time or rest. If we, as adults, find ourselves overwhelmed by too many commitments - despite having better coping skills and resources - imagine how our kids feel with homework and extracurriculars piled on top. The constant rush can strain relationships, increase stress and diminish the joy that should come from these activities.
Many kids today believe that both their sense of self and their worth is tied to achievements. This pressure to win the game, make the big play or ace the test leads to a cycle of anxiety and low self-esteem when they fall short. Kids who only see their value in accomplishments are vulnerable to depression and performance anxiety.
The letdown of not making the playoffs or getting the top score can feel like a personal failure because they don't know how to measure their worth beyond success. Clinical levels of anxiety continue to be on the rise for children and adolescents, so something has to give.
Remember boredom? It's a beautiful opportunity in disguise. From infancy, parents deny kids the chance to be bored, opting to hand them a phone or tablet instead. Is it any wonder that by age 13 they're glued to screens as a coping mechanism for downtime? Instead of jumping to entertain them at every turn, let toddlers play with your pot and pans while you cook. Allow elementary-aged kids to come up with games in the yard or basement. Encourage middle schoolers to develop a business idea they think other kids will enjoy. Let your high schooler find a part-time job and gain skills they'll need for the future while the stakes are low.
Let's go back to raising children who use their unstructured time to discover who they are, what they are capable of and where they want their future to take them. Boredom isn't just about killing time, it's about fostering frustration tolerance, expanding creativity, discovering new interests and increasing adaptability. When kids learn to embrace boredom, they're building resilience and resourcefulness. It can even lead to children joining you in your tasks - like cooking, chores and other work - offering additional connection and growth.
In a society where boredom often leaves people feeling anxious, let's change the game and see it as a chance to nurture great thinkers and doers. Kids who learn to handle downtime on their own get to know themselves better and approach life's ups and downs with more balance. It's time we start valuing this kind of growth, instead of just filling every minute with activities.
- Dr. Colleen Napleton, a clinical psychologist, is a the founder of the Center of Balanced Parenthood in Hinsdale and Inner Life Psychological Services in Hinsdale and Chicago.
