I had the privilege of serving as the moderator for a panel discussion on domestic violence at Pillars Community Health’s Bags and Bubbles event Sunday at The Elm in La Grange.
I know about Pillars mostly through Buddy’s Place, which we attended as a family after Ainsley’s grandmother died and she struggled with the loss. I know a little about Pillars’ women’s shelter, Constance Morris House, from dropping off donations there.
But I learned a lot about domestic violence — and what Pillars is doing to help survivors and break the cycle of abuse — at the event. As this is the final day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I thought I’d share some of what I learned with you.
One of the most troubling facts I heard is that it takes, on average, seven attempts for a victim to leave an abuser. The abuser often promises to change or agrees to go to couples counseling to lure his or her partner back. Before long, the cycle begins again.
Domestic violence is more than just physical abuse. It can involve emotional abuse and sexual intimidation. Abusers can control their victims by restricting finances and tracking their whereabouts. Abusers also might isolate their victims from family members and friends or make threats to take away the victims’ kids or their pets.
Signs of abuse in people we know can range from changes in behavior, isolating, carrying work clothes at all times, always using cash instead of a credit card and wearing long sleeves in hot weather (to hide bruises).
It never occurred to me that someone might not realize they were in a relationship that involved domestic violence, but it’s not uncommon. The abuse often starts slowly and gradually escalates.
One woman shared that she went to the doctor after experiencing physical and mental health issues, and her doctor asked if she might be experiencing domestic violence. That same day she read a Pillars’ poster in the women’s restroom and answered yes to 28 out of 30 questions that indicate if a person might be a victim of abuse. She finally realized what had been wrong.
One of the most poignant moments of the morning was when a survivor chose to share her story. Five years ago, she and her 7-month-old daughter showed up at the Constance Morris House, where she received a place to stay, clothing and counseling.
“More than that, they helped give me a voice,” she said. “You guys saved my life.”
Attendees at the event brought new handbags, totes and backpacks filled with essential everyday items to help those trying to heal from domestic violence. Volunteers from the Hinsdale Junior Woman’s Club were on hand to check in guests and help carry the donations to a staff member’s car. The club gave Pillars a grant to pay for kitchen appliances at Constance Morris House as part of the shelter’s renovation.
Donations to the Hope Chest in La Grange also might benefit domestic violence survivors who arrive at the shelter in need of clothes, shoes and other items. The upscale resale boutique sells gently used women’s clothing, footwear and accessories to the general public, with proceeds supporting the shelter. Between 1994, when the shop opened, and 2021, sales raised more than $1 million for Constance Morris House.
There is so much more Pillars does, I don’t have the space to write about it all here.
As I mentioned Sunday morning, the topic of domestic violence is a sobering one. But leaving the event, I felt hope — hope for the work Pillars is doing, hope for survivors and hope that people will continue to be generous in supporting Pillars’ work.
— Pamela Lannom is editor of The Hinsdalean. Readers can email her at [email protected].
