Since 2011, I have been writing an annual birthday letter to Ainsley as my final — or first — column of the year, depending on how her Jan. 2 birthday falls.
I would love to say I had an annual tradition in mind that first year, but I actually was just trying to fill space during that weird week between Christmas and New Year’s.
As I have repeated every year, I appreciate how patient Ainsley has been in allowing me to write this column — and how patient readers have been in indulging me.
Dear Ainsley,
This year, as your Sweet 16 approaches, I’ve looked back at the birthday letters I’ve written you over the years. I’ve enjoyed reading about some of your cutest moments, like when you suggested Santa take you in his sleigh to visit Baby Jesus in heaven. And when you used to say “hamgerbur” instead of “hamburger.” I’ve also been reminded of other big events in your life, including the year you fractured your arm, your first road trip (to Hinsdale, Mont.) and our celebration of milestone birthdays and anniversaries in Maui.
I also discovered that you have been taller than me since you were 11. I know how happy that must make you.
Some things have not changed. Potty humor — and I’m including farts in that category — continues to crack you up. I believe you inherited this trait from your father. Fortunately your great sense of humor extends to other topics.
You still break out in song for no particular reason, although you’re more likely now to sing a Mozart aria or rap song than “Alice the Camel.”
I find a couple of themes recurring in my letters as well. One is that while time seems to be passing too quickly, I have loved watching you grow up and wouldn’t trade that experience for anything.
Another is that life can be really hard. You lost three grandparents in six years. You missed months of school — and spent many more learning remotely — after the pandemic. And you’ve had to put up with your fair share, and then some, of mean kids.
You have had some experiences when you’ve seen the worst of people. I am so proud of you that you continue to see the best in others, especially those who many of us overlook.
Last year I wrote about the different worries I carried with me during your first 15 years and promised to worry less and affirm more.
I would like to think I kept that promise to you. I certainly tried. But I doubt I lived up to your expectations. Perhaps not even my own.
Worrying is an occupational hazard when you’re a parent, especially when I see you in a tough situation. I want to fix it, but I know I can’t. Or shouldn’t. My job is not to make life easier for you (in the long run that will just make life harder), but to be fully present with you when times are tough. I promise to continue to try to get better at this one.
And I can remind you — even if you respond with an eye roll — how much I love you and how proud I am of you. You continue to amaze me with your capacity to love and care for others, your funny comments and your beautiful singing voice. And your sense of style. I can’t forget that!
I hope you have a wonderful year this year. More importantly, I hope you know just how wonderful you are.
Happy Sweet 16, Ainsley.
Love,
Mom
— Pamela Lannom is editor of The Hinsdalean. Readers can email her at [email protected].
