I can't remember the last time I made a New Year's resolution.
Nor can I remember the last time I kept a New Year's resolution - which is why I stopped making them.
Weeks of indulging in eating, drinking, gift-giving and making merry can leave us feeling a mix of regret and panic. We look at the scale or checkbook balance and say, "No more!" But after a couple of weeks (or even a couple of days), our concern wanes - along with our will power.
Instead of making resolutions, I like to look at the start of a new year as a time to pause and reflect on the things I handled well over the past year and the areas where there is room for improvement.
I also enjoy reading and hearing the plethora of advice available in the early days of January, with the hope of implementing some of it over the course of the year. Here are a few of my favorites.
• Let them.
This directive is in the title of a new book by Mel Robbins called "The Let Them Theory." Robbins, an award-winning podcast host and best-selling author, was on the Today show Monday morning talking about her book and the importance of recognizing the things we can control and the things we can't.
"No matter what's going on outside of you, the power is always inside of you," she told host Hoda Kotb. "Any time you feel stressed or annoyed or frustrated, just say, 'Let them.' You immediately feel your shoulders drop and it's almost like you're allowing something without allowing it."
Stoicism, Buddhism, the serenity prayer, detachment theory and radical acceptance all embrace this notion, Robbins noted.
"You are actually taking all of that power and wisdom and applying it in modern life," she said.
"Any time you try to control another person or something happening that's outside of your control, you just create stress and frustration for yourself," she said.
• Consider therapy
This suggestion ranked 25th on a Good Housekeeping list of "easy to keep" resolutions for 2025, which isn't bad - although I question its placement after "Add cleaning tasks to your calendar" and "Become a plant owner." I do like how the suggestion was framed: "We all lean on friends and family for support, but is this the year that you finally make a move to unpack your mental health?" the item reads.
The stigma that surrounds addressing mental health issues is not as strong as it once was, which is promising. I long for the day when we look at seeing a therapist as no different than getting a checkup with our family doctor.
• Get out of your own head
I found a number of different suggestions that all boiled down to focusing less on ourselves and more on something or someone else.
Focusing on gratitude, spending time in nature, volunteering, doing daily acts of kindness, traveling, discovering a new hobby - all interrupt our tendency to ruminate over things that have gone wrong.
Dan Harris' "Happier" podcasts more than once have talked about a Buddhist parable called "The Second Arrow." The first arrow is the one that is shot through you, which causes physical pain. The second arrow is our reaction to the first arrow, which can cause emotional pain. Instead of accepting what is, we wonder why things didn't unfold differently. Why did someone shoot us with an arrow? Why were we in the forest in the first place? Questions like these just create more suffering.
I'd love to hear the advice you hope to follow in 2025. Shoot me an email at the address below.
- Pamela Lannom is editor of The Hinsdalean. Readers can email her at [email protected].
