In her Hinsdale talk next week, educational psychologist Michele Borba will share how a well-developed sense of empathy in children often promotes other characteristics of a successful life, such as kindness, courage and resilience. (photo provided)
How can children develop empathy?
Youth today are digitally adept but less equipped empathetically, a deficiency that can have adverse implications for mental health, resilience and leadership skills, Dr. Michele Borba opined.
"In the last 30 years, there's been a 40 percent dip in empathy while narcissism has increased 58 percent," Borba said, citing a longitudinal study of the issue.
But empathy can be cultivated, she assured, which she will discuss in her talk Empathy and the Unselfie Revolution at 7 p.m. Wednesday, Feb. 5, and 9 a.m. Thursday, Feb. 6, at The Community House as part of the Community Speaker Series (see Page XX for details).
Borba said it's important to differentiate empathy from sympathy.
"Empathy is feeling with someone instead of feeling for them, being able to understand and figure out where the other person is," she explained.
We are "hard-wired" to experience it, but the increasingly on-demand, self-focused nature of the culture has rendered empathy dormant in many.
"They're not getting into deeper relationships. As a result emotional literacy scores are going way down," Borba said.
And constant pressure to measure up creates stress, which can sap one of empathy.
"We're still giving them all the love and the resources but often focusing on success and achievement and GPA," Borba said. "You have to dial your empathy down when you're in survival mode."
Rather than asking kids what they accomplished at school, get them to tell you about their expectations and subsequent experiences. That will direct them away from external dynamics and deepen their awareness of internal ones. Then they begin to better relate to others and their feelings.
"You can't empathize if you can't see how someone is affected by something," she said.
Borba said parents can model this when dealing with a child's misbehavior.
"Instead of saying, 'I'm upset with you,' say, 'I'm really disappointed in that behavior' and tell them why and how it made you feel," she advised. "When they begin to recognize what your expectation of them is when it comes to treating others, they're more likely to follow."
With emotional intelligence taking root as early as age 2, Borba lamented the decline of traditional playdates in a busy society.
"Children have so many other extracurricular activities, it's hard to just do 'Sandbox 101,' " she said.
As a result, the younger generation tends to be more risk averse with others, she related, afraid that being too authentic could jeopardize the connection. Being able to have a friendly but frank exchange of ideas is a vital skill.
"Perspective-taking is the top employability factor right now," Borba said.
Encourage children to interact with others, holding the door open or offering help when needed.
"That gives kids a sense of purpose because they know they can make a difference," she said.
Teach children slow deep breathing when you see the stress level rising and join forces with their friends' parents to develop shared parameters around smart device use and bed times.
"You can't change the culture, but you can change how you raise you child." - by Ken Knutson
